Fear and loathing in Seattle
by dein.finchen
Summary: Alec wants to thank Max. So he's on a mission, trying to find a cure for the virus. But will she be pleased with him doing something extremely stupid again? Is she going to save his little ass once more? Perhaps she'll eventually appreciate his gift.
1. Don't touch

**A/N:** Before you start reading I should probably warn you. I'm not a native speaker, so this could sound a little weird, although I tried my best. Hope you can enjoy reading.

**Summary:**Alec wants to thank Max. So he's on a mission, trying to find a cure for the virus. But will she be pleased with him doing something extremely stupid again? Is she going to save his little ass once more? Perhaps she'll eventually appreciate his gift.  
>There will be a lot of hurtAlec in later chapters with comforting/Max and Joshua. But pairings are mostly Max/Logan. Hints of Alec/Max.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Dark Angel. Dark Angel, its characters and situations belong to James Cameron, Charles H. Eglee and 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. No infringement on, or challenge to their status is intended. This piece of fiction was written for my entertainment and I am gaining no form of compensation for it.

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><p><strong>Fear and Loathing in Seattle<strong>

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><p><strong>CHAPTER I: Don't touch<strong>

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><p>Blue light of numerous computers enlightened the small room. The continuous humming of machines filling the air, she watched him quietly, trying her best not to disturb him. Logan kept working and searching the web for more information on their new case. When suddenly his eyes met hers, she flinched and quickly looked the other way. She could not let him know, what she was feeling right now, that she observed every single move he made with nostalgia.<p>

Logan started hesitantly: "That's really a lot to do. All these observations…maybe Alec…"

She frowned and her eyes darkened. "Yeah, of course. You really wanna trust him with this?"  
>Max got furious. "You know, I can do it, there's no problem with doing it on my own!" Her eyes glittered with anger as she crossed her arms in front of her.<p>

But Logan interrupted: "Hey, I know, but you could give him some chance. He wants to help. He wants to assimilate and be part of your family. And, by the way,…" he smiled mildly "he could do all of the boring stuff."

Max sighed. His smirk was so adorable and completely compelling. Nobody could ever escape him. She reconsidered his advice.  
>Maybe he was right. And she hated those observations, sitting in the dark for hours with nothing to do, nothing happening at all.<br>"Okay", she finally gave in. „Maybe you're right. " Silently she walked around the room, looking out of the window into the dark night.

He turned away from his desk, looking at her. So eventually he had found a crack in her walls. Carefully he tried to go further. "So, you'll have a good deal more free time for having dinner with me. I'll cook your favourite."

Within seconds her dark eyes widened with shock. Slowly she shook her head, dark hair curling around her shoulders.

"Max, it's only dinner!" He wanted to stand up and shake her, bring her to terms and barely succeeded in holding himself back.

„Logan…", she tried but couldn't find any words. She didn't want to explain her fear again. Didn't he remember the last time and what had happened when they forgot the threat of him being killed by this nasty virus? Although she missed him painfully and she hated being cruel, always spoiling his hope, she could not let this happen again. She had to disappoint him.  
>At the same time she wanted so badly to feel him close to her. She needed his warmth and his hands softly touching her skin. But all she could feel was fear, her last chances gone because of…<br>him…  
>Alec…She tried to calm her anger and swallowed hard, shaking her head faster this time.<p>

"No. You know what happened the last time we tried being a common couple. We shouldn't push our luck. Not again."

"We could be more cautious this time. I want to see you. We can't allow fear to take control of our lives completely." Logan shrugged.

She avoided his glance by looking to the ground and then turned around with a sudden movement. "I'll ask Alec." were her last words before her slender shape disappeared through his wooden door, leaving his question without an answer.

He was left alone in this dark room, feeling suddenly exhausted. Her smell still lingered in there, making him even sadder. Rubbing his nose he tried to go back to work.

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><p>She knew that they couldn't continue this. She couldn't escape her feelings for him. And she couldn't always get away without giving an answer. But there just was none. No answer. No solution. She tried not to think about it any more, speeding away with her ninja, enjoying the sound of her beloved bike. The night kept fading into day, but she still had some more time before work. And she still had some time to go to Alec and ask him to help her with the observations, like Logan had suggested. Give him one more chance.<p>

Several minutes later, she still stood in front of his apartment. All her efforts of making him open his door had been unsuccessful. She knocked again, even harder this time. Nothing happened.

"Come on, Alec. Move your stupid, little ass. I'm sure you don't want me to come in and help you."

She tried to be patient, but when there still wasn't any reaction at all, she decided to simply ignore the fact that his door was closed.

"I'm coming in now. I really hope that at least you are fully dressed by now."


	2. Workaholic

A/N: Thank you for reading this story, for putting it to alert and favourites. And even more thanks for the lovely reviews. I'm really glad to hear you like this story. You put a smile upon my face.

Still trying my best. Have fun reading!

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><p><strong>Fear and Loathing in Seattle<strong>

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><p><strong>CHAPTER II: Workaholic<strong>

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><p>By the time she arrived at Jam Pony she was furious. Picking up his lock had been terribly easy, but Alec's apartment had seemed to be abandoned.<br>It had been quiet and empty, except for his usual messiness of course, his black leatherjacket thoughtlessly thrown across the chair, a glass of scotch standing on the bar, half-full, an old playboy lying on top of his unmade bed. She had had the creepy feeling he would burst into his room any second, with his corky smile, teasing her. Maybe he just had spent the night with one of his pretty pickups. But he didn't make an appearance.

Still her skin prickled and the knot in her stomach told her something was wrong. If only he had not gotten himself into trouble. Again. She was so tired of saving him all the time.

Jam Pony was buzzing with action as always. Going to her locker, she tried to calm down, but with taking a look on her service schedule for this week her anger grew once again. Incredibly annoyed she made her way to Normal's office.

"You can't be serious, Normal!" she hissed, slamming the piece of paper on his table. "Double shifts, again? Isn't anybody else working here?"  
>She stood there, in full height, staring down on the little man with the headset, with her arms on her hips, ready to fight.<p>

Normal shortly winced in his comfortable chair at hearing her voice. He had been occupied with some outstanding bills and wasn't in a mood to discuss peanuts like this. Totally unaware of the danger pouring from every single fibre of the black haired girl he only shrugged, saying: "Alec took the week off."

Max wasn't pacified at all: "He took the week off. You have to be kidding me…nobody ever gets holidays in here!" Her voice grew louder and louder, slowly getting to the point close to screaming.

Normal kept playing with his pencil, scanning the papers scattered across his desk. "He said something about some urgent family drama…not sure. You know, I am human, no matter what you think…now, enough, bip, bip, bip, packages are waiting!"  
>With this he waved his hands, shooing her away, so he could finally move over to more important stuff.<p>

Completely stunned, she was about to give him a not so nice reply, when suddenly OC appeared behind her back, putting her small hand on her shoulder, whispering: "Hey, boo, never mind, karma will get him eventually. Isn't worth the trouble."

Bristling with anger, Max turned around. "I don't get. He doesn't even have family! This lazy ass is having fun while we are working our guts out. This selfish little bastard. He won't like it, when I get him, this is sure." She grabbed her bike and stormed out.

OC smiled. You better stepped out of Max's way when she was in her warrior mood. Even Sketchy was aware of this fact, hastily hiding behind the closest locker doors he could find when Max rushed past him.

"Hey, what is wrong with her?" he asked with his usual crooked smile, strolling towards OC.

OC just shook her head. "Seems like Alec decided he gonna need vacation."

Sketchy frowned. "Yeah…and what is wrong with that. I don't get it."

OC sighed and patted his shoulder. "Oh, sure, after all you're only one of 'em guys." With that she as well took her bike, leaving Sketchy behind, completely confused.

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><p>Max did her work mechanically. Going through the moves she knew by heart. She kept smiling while collecting her signatures and delivering the packages. But her thoughts were spinning around.<p>

Alec went on holiday to visit his family?

Really mysterious. Even more mysterious the fact, he told Normal but never considered her wanting to know where he was going. She wouldn't admit, but it hurt. She had thought they were getting closer.

Deep in thoughts, she blew some hair out of her face. No. She shouldn't care. Okay, so he didn't trust her enough. Only because they both came from the same governmental institution didn't mean that they had to like each other. Or had to become friends.

But there was something inside constantly harassing her. The fact, that his apartment hadn't looked like he had planned to go on a longer journey. She couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was far from right here.

She speeded up. Only three packages left for sector 4. Afterwards she could still run some errands for Eyes Only. Quickly she drove along the alley and made her way through rush hour when suddenly her anger was back.

What fancied Alec himself to be? Was he still thinking she had nothing to do but to look for him? Save his silly ass again? No, she didn't care any longer. She was not longer responsible for all the reckless, stupid stunts he was playing. He was old enough to care for himself. After all he was a trained soldier, ready to fight, a weapon designed to kill, so he should be able to do it anyhow.

She snorted. "He's probably on a wonderful trip with one of his pretty, little girls, enjoying his life. And who has to pay for this? Always the same, he's only thinking about himself."

She placed her bike in front of the fence, ringing the bell on the last door for today. The yellow house had the number 18.  
>"Jam Pony. Package for you." She said to the young women opening the door.<p>

The girl was shining. "Oh I 've been waiting for this for so long!"

Max forcedly returned the smile. "Yeah, nice. I need your signature here."

One hour later Max shut her locker door at Jam Pony with a loud bang when OC tipped on her shoulder.  
>"Hey, boo, everything all right? Wanna come over tonight, relaxing, drinking some wine, talking about, you know, girls stuff? OC is missing her girl…"<p>

Max sighed. "OC, I'm sorry but I still have to finish some stuff for Logan." She shrugged.  
>"After Alec letting us down, I have to do everything on my own. He is sneaking away with some girl and I'm left here with all the work to do. Pff…and Logan wanted me to give him a second chance. He's had more than he deserved, really. He cannot be thinking I'm okay with him secretly disappearing and one week later, tadaa, there he is again with his dopey grin. I'm so not gonna accept this. He can drop dead, I don't care!" Her voice grew louder with every sentence. Angrily she gave her locketr a kick, a loud bang crashing the silence.<p>

"Uwow, honey, yeah, take the brother out. He really got you pissed." OC couldn't help to smile watching her best friend, radiating with anger.

Max defiantly raised her chin. "Of course I am. I have every right to be! I can't be together with Logan because of him. And if that wasn't enough he is now stealing my free time, because I have to do double shifts while saving the day. And along the way save him from doing something stupid. I've had it! I'm fed up with him! Why is it always down to me in the end?" With a sudden movement she lifted her messenger bag from the ground over her shoulder.

OC gave her a pat. "You know, boo, you're way too good for this world. And you always care too much."

Max mumbled. "But I don't care about him. I'm not responsible."

"Of course, you ain't" OC smiled. "Take care, hon'. And if you decide you do wanna have some fun after all, you know where to find me." She squinted.

Max calmed down a little now. "Thank you. See you tomorrow!"

Slightly amused OC watched her friend, driving away with her ninja. Despite anything Max was saying OC knew she cared about Alec a lot. She worried about him, only she would never admit her concerns for his well being. OC shrugged. She would never be able to change Max's mind. So Max could go on fooling herself with the idea, that she didn't give a damn as long as she wanted to.


	3. Home, sweet home

A/N: I'm so sorry for the long delay; I really didn't intend to make you wait for so long, after your wonderful reviews. Thanks a lot!

May I blame it on the weather?

With all the sunshine outside I'm simply not able to stay inside my small and stiflingly hot apartment in front of my laptop for too long. Nevertheless I wrote a lot, old fashioned way, sheets of papers waiting to be typewritten. Could take a while, however. Sorry!

But here is the third chapter. Enjoy!

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><p>FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE<p>

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><p>CHAPTER III: Home, sweet home<p>

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><p>Silently sneaking, hiding behind trees and bushes, he quickly got closer to his destination. No sound escaping his body, no noises betraying him. He knew how to do this, he had been used to it all his life. Knew the moves. Didn't have to think about how to continue. Alec simply let his body take control, using the experience and the skills he had learned. This was his element, this was what he was. A silent weapon, ready to kill unnoticed. Again he was doing the one thing he had been designed for.<p>

He took a deep breath while diving deeper into the forest he knew too well. It was filled with memories, sweet as well as bitter ones.  
>He grew up in these woods, together with the other kids. They were playing the same games all children play. Hide and seek. Play tag.<p>

With one small difference: failing was not an option, since failing was the reason many of the tiny soldiers disappeared without further notice.

Alec hadn't failed. Never. Obediently he had obeyed orders, carefully avoiding being hurt by soulless guards. He had adapted to this life like they wanted. After all Manticore had given his life a meaning. Purpose he now lacked. No, he didn't miss Manticore at all, its cruel rules and insanity still making him shiver and he was glad that Max had been able to free them. But at the same time he could feel this freedom weighing him down, taking his breath away. What was he supposed to do with all his life now, when there was nobody ordering him around any longer?

Everything seemed to be different in the outside world. Manticore had taught him lying, betraying and caring only about himself. He was good in making deals, taking advantage of everything and everyone. But it wasn't the right thing to do here, in this world he still couldn't fully understand. Max disapproved his shallowness, but Manticore had always liked his behaviour as long as he performed his task successfully.

And he couldn't escape this weird feeling of coming home while getting closer to the burned ruins of the main building.

This was the only home he knew. Although it didn't quite hit the sense of the word.

It had been everything he knew, his existence. Until now.

Now it was gone, leaving a black hole inside him trying to eat him alive.

He shuddered. Those were not the right things to consider at the moment. He had to focus on his mission.

His motorcycle waited hidden under branches and leaves at the edge of the forest because he was convinced that he would provoke less attention with sneaking to Manticore by foot. And he wanted badly to prove Max wrong with thinking of him being a reckless fool. Now way he would stumble into one of Whites traps. It was not true that he had to be saved all along by amazing Max. He would never put their hard-earned freedom at a risk. He knew how to be invisible.

Manticore owned his past, but he would never allow it to get hold of their future. He would make up for his mistakes they made him do. And for those he did all by himself.

With all this thinking so unusual for him, he hadn't noticed getting closer and closer, until he could see the fences now guarding nothing more than ashes. Seeing this place made his heart ache and sent shivers through his body. He didn't want to come back. Never at all. This place kept holds of all his past, of all those memories he tried desperately to forget and those he wasn't able to remember because of what they had done to him. And he was sure he didn't like them being awoken.  
>Finally he was free. They would not control his life any longer. Neither Max's.<br>All he had to do was completing this mission by finding this place. Digging to remember some of those black spots in his brain.  
>Remembering this incident in his past…her…had provoked other memories, too. Memories of some secret place not far from the institution. Renfros little secret. A hidden laboratory where she did her own research. His memories still were rather fuzzy but he could remember some little details. <em><br>The short haired blonde woman dragging his worn out body across a light flooded meadow north of Manticore's canteen. His exhausted body drifting in and out of consciousness, stumbling over small roots on their track._

With seeing the gates now Alec turned further right, following his memory. His senses were sharpened by now, his body vibrating with tension while he was observing is surroundings. But there was no sign of hidden pursuer or White's men. Maybe this time he was lucky.  
>He had to trust his instincts.<p>

_Renfro's little conspiracy. She __had gotten him out of is cell, avoiding the guards, because she didin't want Manticore to know what she was up to. The sudden feeling of Renfro running her own thing._

Alec went further into the woods until he reached a small clearing he seemed to remember. Slowly he came to a stop, turning around, waiting for his memories to help him. He knew he was close, he almost could sense it.

_Her voice in his head, pushing him ahead mercilessly. He reme__mbered feeling exhausted, to exhausted to walk, to exhausted to think properly. Desperately trying to follow, but then stumbling and falling to the ground. He hadn't been able to catch his fall, his reaction way to slow, when earth came nearer too fast. And then…_

His head ached and he rubbed the bridge of his nose. If only he could remember...

_There had been a kind of trap door on the ground, hidden under __fern and grass, not far from the place where he had fallen._

Alec closed his eyes, concentrating on those feelings, following his intuition. Making a few steps and then finally sinking down to his knees. Using his hands for searching the grass underneath him until he felt the small handle bar and with a sudden movement the trap door opened soundlessly. A self confident smile appeared on his face as he looked into the darkness.

"Come to daddy", full of expectation he rubbed his hands.

With one quick and sleek movement he slid down into the darkness. However, Manticore didn't screw up everything. Thanks to his night vision he was able to see quite well, despite the blackness surrounding him. Renfro's hideout consisted of one long, narrow corridor with several doors on each side.

_He was lying on a camp bed in the middle of a white room, full of clinical devices and weird looking instruments. Renfro kept fussing over him, talking to him continually. His vision was blurred, he couldn't focus. But he was aware of Renfro's eyes eagerly glowing while she explained her search for the perfect genome._

MAX.

_He wasn't able to follow her words. Her voice kept disappearing behind the random noise in his ears. __His gaze rested on the open door, leading to a small adjoining room crowded with filing cabinets full of back up disks. _

This room was his destination. With finding this room, he would find the data, too. Data about a special virus.

He stopped in front of a solid iron door. No window, no doorknob. Alec remembered Renfro using her key card to open the door.

"Great, that's just great..." Alec moaned and took the crowbar out of his bag. "Let's go for it the old fashioned way."

Fortunately without electricity the door wasn't locked any longer and Alec was able to pry open the door with using his intensified strength. By the lack of electricity, air condition didn't work either, so the air inside was dusty and muggy. All the computers and instruments, test tubes and Petri dishes were covered with thick layers of dust. However, everything seemed ready to use. Numerous bottles and vessels with colourful liquids stood in refrigerators, now useless. Some of them broken, some of them empty by now.

After taking a quick look-around, he found what he had been looking for. He opened the small door and found the filing cabinets.

Systematically he searched the drawers and cabinets, putting tons of data disks inside his pouch until he found one of those drawers locked. His heartbeat quickened. Clearly he was getting closer. Once again he used the crowbar and the drawer opened with a shriek, old metal buckling. A wide grin was plastered on Alec's face when he grabbed the first disc for his bag. While reaching for another one he noticed a faint click.

There was hardly any time left for Alec to react, before suddenly the world around him burst into chaos and everything went black in front of his eyes.


	4. Pretty little lies

A/N: Yep, you're definitely right. But I don't want to be cruel, so here's another chapter. It's my turn trying to make it up to you, I guess.

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><p>FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE<p>

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><p>CHAPTER IV: Pretty little lies<p>

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><p>She had been lying on the concrete floor of the flat roof for what seemed like hours, motionlessly observing the nearby house with her binoculars. The constant rain didn't really help improving her mood. By now she was soaked. She really hated those observations. And she was bored beyond believe. Too much time to think about stuff.<p>

After the Berrisford incident she had hoped they had kind of connected. But when Alec reappeared, he had acted as if nothing had ever happened, building up his façade again, never letting anything close. Max couldn't get through. Instead of that he was getting better in annoying her with his foolish talking and keeping her at a distance.

I'm always fine.

Max was almost sure he had lied to her, but his face hadn't betrayed him. He was well educated in hiding his emotions and going on. He even was this good that she had to struggle to remember his desperate face when trying to say goodbye to Rachel.

And now, after all these weeks he had simply disappeared, without one single word. This feeling inn her stomach was gaining weight.

She changed position, stroking wet hair out of her loft, she was watching was still empty.

With her whole body aching, she picked herself up from the freezing cold floor. Nothing would happen tonight. Besides, she wasn't able to concentrate anyhow. Silently she opened the door leading to the narrow stairway. Only seconds later she sneaked off, following the dark road to her motorcycle she had parked around the corner.  
>By the time she arrived at her beloved Ninja her phone rang suddenly.<p>

"Max."

"Hi Max, Logan here. I thought that you probably want to come over to me later. I got some interesting news. Maybe it'll help with our investigation."

Max took a deep breath. She knew Logan too well, so she was sure he wanted something more than he was letting out. She didn't know if she could handle this situation once more, but she felt too exhausted to discuss the same issue all over again. Way more easy just to accept.

"Okay. Give me five minutes."

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><p>She loved the night. Seattle was almost quiet then. Hardly anybody was on the streets, especially in this rain. It seemed almost peaceful. The darkness calmed her down, banished the weird feeling in her gut.<p>

When she arrived at Logan's his door was open and she entered.

"Hi, come in. Do you want some, too?" Logan appeared from the kitchen, a glass of wine in his hand. He smiled when he noticed her soaking wet clothes. "Nice weather outside, hum? Just a second, I'll fetch a towel." With this he disappeared once more, his exoskeleton whirring.

She peeled of her leather jacket and put it over the chair. Luckily her black pullover was passably dry. Not something you could say about her black jeans, its wet fabric clinging to her skin. With her back to the door she viewed his kitchen, lost in thoughts, when Logan came back.

He cleared his throat. "There's a towel and some clothes for you to change. You may wanna take a shower as well. Hey, there even is some warm water left!"

And there it was again, his incredible smile, making his blue eyes glitter. Slowly Max turned around. "Yeah", she answered, "this really would be great."

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><p>She enjoyed warm water covering her body. Finally she noticed how creepy cold the roof had been. Max lifted her head up into the steaming water, running her fingers through her hair. This felt just incredible.<br>Not until the water got cold, she felt ready to face reality again. The small room was filled with steam. Nostalgically she touched the clothes Logan had offered her, still holding his scent. She changed into his sweater and sweat pants.  
>Drying her hair with a towel she slowly walked to his living room where Logan had lit some candles and set the table.<p>

He was cooking. When he noticed her, he turned around: "Ah, there you are. Was kind of afraid, you drowned in there." He smirked. "And considering the facts, it would be too much of Romeo and Juliet, me doing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to save your life and afterwards collapsing. I'm more into happy endings."

Carefully he placed the hot pot on the table, beginning with serving the dinner.

"Come on. Take a seat."

One more time she towelled her hair. Before sitting down she laid her towel down to her jacket.

"I should actually leave, right now through this door. You tricked me! Even lied to me! …But this smells delicious…" She inhaled the scent deeply. "And after having spent most of the night on this stupid roof top, I really deserve this." Max smiled. Yes he had played her. And she couldn't accept this kind of humour, either. But she was exhausted, and with the hot shower, the wonderful meal…Maybe she could allow herself to relax a little once. She really did deserve that.

"You know, I really have new information. Later, after dinner."

After this wonderful dinner, without any problems, she made herself comfortable on his couch, while Logan was sitting on a chair in front of his computer monitors. Logan watched her curling up like a cat, pressing her legs to her stomach, resting her chin on her knees. Her black hair was still wet. She was staring into space. Max had been rather silent, as if something was bothering her.

"Hey, Max, 'you okay?"

Her reaction came slowly, when she finally looked at him, she seemed confused, shaking her head, still absorbed in thought.

"No, it's nothing." Max stopped and sighed, turning her head towards him, then laying it back on her knees.

"It's Alec. Again. I went to his apartment this morning, but he wasn't there. Normal told me he had family issues and had taken holiday. You don't have to be very clever to notice this is a lie. I don't know. He's probably on a trip with some girl…", she sighed again. "But after this Berrisford ting I really had hoped he would begin to open up, trust me. That I could start trusting him. I thought that maybe we could become…..something like friends. But now, he disappears without telling me anything! I gotta strange feeling with this. He's gonna get himself into trouble again, endangering all of us. And before asking for help one single time, he screws up and makes things worse!"

Shrugging, she put her feet back down.

Logan leaned forward on his chair, folding his hands. His eyes sparkled challenging. "So this is the reason you did this on your own. I thought…"

She cut him off, smiling. "I simply had ignored your advice and headed off on my own again."

He smirked as well. "Sounds like a girl I once knew."

She looked at him. "Yep. And like Alec."

"Must be one of those Manticore things." He frowned. "But maybe you were right with guessing some girl behind it all. How long is he gone?"

She shrugged again. "He skipped work yesterday. But I haven't seen him since Friday, so he has probably disappeared for three days now."

Max snorted. "I really don't know why I'm still wrecking my brain! He can do everything he wants, as long as it doesn't pull me into his shabby dealings, I don't care. Damn, he is from Manticore, he should be able to handle things on his own." She got up with a sudden movement, stretching. "He won't rain on my parade!" She took her leather jacket heading out for the door. Logan followed her, keeping distance.

"Thank you for this wonderful dinner" she said, glancing at him. "And thank you for your pretty, little lie."

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><p>AN: Hm…I fear that this doesn't change your mood…but Max and Logan needed some quality time and I'll return to Alec in the next chapter. Soon.


	5. Sanctuary

A/N: I really am cruel. Sorry! But I had wonderful holidays, if you are interested! thank you for reading, alerting, favouriting and thank you very much for your comments!

And now...Alec again. Enjoy!

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><p>FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE<p>

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><p>Chapter 5: SANCTUARY<p>

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><p>He slowly came back to consciousness, mostly because of the annoying buzzing sound in his ears, witch grew louder step by step. His head hurt like hell.<p>

For a second he didn't know where he was and what had happened and started to panic, but then his memories came back.

Max. The virus. Renfro's laboratory. And the explosion.

Some of the old security systems were actually still online.

Carefully he pushed himself of the ground, trying to sit up straight, stones and dirt falling down. Dust was dancing through the air, covering his eyes and nose. He coughed. The buzzing noise in his head kept growing louder.

Dazed, he reached his head with his hand, searching for injuries. A sticky liquid covered his left side. Going through his hair he finally found a deep cut.

Not too bad so far. Head injuries always bled heavily, but that didn't usually mean anything.

Systematically he analyzed his injuries.

He felt dizzy, slightly nauseous, so maybe he had a concussion, but only a small one, nothing severe. His arms and legs hurt, but he was able to move them, so nothing was broken. There were several superficial flesh wounds and a few deeper ones, he had to clean later. They would heal. Some bruised rips as well, but no inner injuries as far as he could tell.

He had been lucky, very lucky indeed. The explosion had been a smaller one, not powerful enough to cause much damage. More to scare intruders than kill them.

He removed the remaining dirt and debris from his body and slowly stood up. His legs still being a little unsteady he used the walls for hold. With his eyes he looked for his backpack and found it, not far from the cabinet, buried under rubble.

A terrible thought occurred to him. If something had happened to the discs, his mission would have failed completely. No way!

Stumbling to the cabinet he pleaded desperately: "Don't let them be destroyed, please. They have to be intact…They just have to…"

Alec completely opened the drawer and sighed out of relief. The data disks seemed battered, but still in one piece. With some luck the data could be saved. And Logan was a computer genius after all.

Carefully he packed the valuable discs in his bag, getting out the old bunker as quickly as possible. He didn't intend to push his luck any further with staying there longer as necessary.

Slowly he fought his way through debris and stone to the exit. Not quite as elegant as before he pulled himself out through the hole and collapsed next to the opening.

His body ached like hell. It took a while until he managed to breathe steadyly again and the world stopped spinning around him, the nausea slowly fading. Probably he had been hurt more serious than he had thought. Usually he wasn't that sensitive. He wouldn't have survived Manticore, if he had been.

"Suck it up!" he mumbled to himself and pulled himself on his feet. Instantly everything blurred in front of his eyes.

He gritted his teeth and breathed deeply.

Alec wouldn't allow his body to slow him down or stop him from completing his mission. He had to be in control, so he forced himself to concentrate.

"Come on. Focus!"

The way back was more exhausting. Despite of his efforts to regain control over his body he had to stop several times until the dizziness disappeared. His muscles struggled against the strain. Even the ringing in his ears grew louder, now accompanied by a dull pain. He felt like his head was exploding any time. More than once he found himself folded over a nearby bush, desperately trying to keep his stomach from emptying. But he didn't succeed, although he hadn't eaten anything the whole day.

At first he tried to stay in the shadows, hiding beneath leaves, but the more time passed and the closer he got to the entrance of the woods, the less careful he got. He simply wasn't able to any longer. Barely he was able to stand and much less able to crawl on the ground. Sneaking was out of question as well, his moves being too uncoordinated, loosing his balance with every step. Black spots limited his vision and the tender forest soil seemed to move under his feet, so he had to hold on to trees and branches to steady him.

When he finally discovered his motorcycle, he felt relieved. He used most of his remaining strength to uncover it and climb upon the seat. But somehow he succeeded. Somehow he even made it to ride all the way to his save house. There wasn't much traffic on the streets, so he arrived there without further incidents. The small wooden cabin lay hidden between trees, out if sight but not far from the road.

He congratulated himself for his idea, using the small house, he knew because of former Manticore missions, as sanctuary. He hadn't seriously planned with being bruised, but he had considered every option. Reckless, as if!

Here he could stay the night, while his injuries were healing. Max wouldn't notice anything by the time he arrived at Jam Pony tomorrow morning. He really was proud of his plan.

Again he ran his fingers through his sticky hair taking a deep breath, then hiding his motorcycle behind the cabin. Night was falling and it was getting dark fast. For a second he frowned, had the way back really taken this long, but the thought was gone quickly when he opened the door and saw the bed. Seconds later he slumped on the sheets and felt asleep.


	6. Homecoming

A/N: Here I am, back again…sorry for the long delay…

* * *

><p>FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 6: HOMECOMING<p>

* * *

><p>„Joshua? Hey, Josh, where are you?"<p>

Carefully Max entered the deteriorating house.

She found him in the living room, completely absorbed in his latest painting. Wet paint was scattered all over his face, more on his hands and arms. Even his long brown hair was covered with paint in any shade of colour.

Involuntarily she grinned.

"Hi Joshua!"

He turned around with his brush still in hand, so red paint was dripping to the floor.

"Oh, hello little fella!" Joshua took another step towards his friend, but Max quickly escaped with taking a step backwards. "Be careful with this…" she explained, raising one eyebrow and nodding towards the still dripping brush.

"Oh." With a dynamic movement he put the brush on the table, where it rolled slowly to the far end, leaving a red track behind it. The big boy cleaned his hands on his trousers.

Amused Max observed the sequence and then turned towards the painting.

"Looks interesting. What is it?"

Enthusiastically Joshua tried to explain. "Max and Logan. Together again. Virus bitch is going down" Full of joy he came closer to her once more.

Max shrugged and sighed. "It's not that easy, Josh, sorry but…" He cut her off. "Max and Logan, that's the plan. Alec…", suddenly he stopped and with his eyes widening, he put his hand in front of his mouth. He was worriedly looking at Max, but she seemed to not have noticed his babbling, still lost in thoughts over his colourful painting.

She took a deep breath. "Yeah…Speaking of Alec, where is he actually?" Max looked at him with questioning eyes, while the big guy's gaze lingered on the ground sheepishly. "Alec's away. Doing business. Top secret."  
>"Mhmm…yeees….of course." She drawled. „Unless he's not getting into trouble again, that's okay with me.<p>

Joshua shook his head. "No trouble. Alec promised."

* * *

><p>Warm sunshine lit the room when he came to consciousness again. The pain in his body had subsided a little, even the pulsing feeling in his head had lost strength. Few minutes later he realized what was also missing. The high-pitched whistling noise in his ears.<p>

Alec smiled.

He stretched his muscles very cautiously. Despite the relaxing sleep, he felt a little stiff. His body was numb, paralyzed with tiredness. The X5 just wanted to go back to sleep when his gaze fell on the big wall clock. And what he was seeing made him wince. Puzzled he rubbed his eyes. He had been asleep for almost twenty hours. A whole day. Something he had never done in his entire life. Until now he had been convinced that sleeping for more than 6 hours was impossible for him, his genes preventing that.

He shook his head and sighed. Returning to his past really had confused both his body and his mind.

Slowly he pushed himself to a sitting position. He more and more wanted to get away from here, leaving his past behind. Slightly unstable he came to stand and tumbled to the bathroom.

When he saw his pale face in the mirror, he flinched. He had hoped that after having relaxed for such a long time, all external signs were gone by now. Or at least faded. But his injuries must have been worse than he had thought. His face was laced with deep gashes and scratches under a thick layer of dirt and dust. And after removing worst of the filth it looked even worse. In contrast to his paleness the wounds stood up more clearly. You even could admire the bruise forming on his lower jaw now. But at least the cut on his head had stopped bleeding.

Examining the rest of his body Alec nearly lost courage. Tediously he got of his completely destroyed pair of jeans. So much for the easy part of the task.

More difficult was the part where he tried to get rid of his sweater. Its fabric was soaked in blood, now dried, so it stuck to his injuries. Finally Alec gave up trying to peel the fibres off his skin and stood under the shower with his shirt.

The hot water burned in the lacerations and cuts, running down his body in pink streams to the ground. At the same time his aching muscles longed for the comforting warmth. His legs had been saved by the tight fabric of his jeans. Although they were covered with bruises there were only minor injuries.

After a while he was able to remove his sweater, the fibres now wet enough. Carefully he pulled it over his head to have a look at the rest of his body.

Where his ribs were cracked, his upper body was decorated with several large haematomas together with numerous superficial abrasions.

Worst of all, however, were his hands and forearms. The skin there was red and swollen, violently burned. On his right forearm large blisters had appeared.

Alec clenched his teeth.

Pain was pulsating under his skin and he turned the water to cold. When the cold finally numbed his nerves, he finished showering. His feet were covered with pinkish water. Once again he examined his hands closer, only to shrug disappointedly afterwards.

Yeah. They definitely needed treatment. So he looked for the first aid kit in his backpack and bandaged his right forearm the best he could do. For his left hand a plaster had to be enough. After that he quickly changed into T-shirt and sweat pants.

The whole procedure had exhausted him. The throbbing in his head was back with full force and his surrounding began to blur again. Looking at his watch he decided that he had to endure here a few hours longer. That he, too, didn't feel able to make the ride to Seattle on is bike he pushed away to his subconsciousness. He still was a soldier after all and he would never commit any weaknesses.

Clumsily he stumbled to the kitchen to get himself a bottle of water. Manticore had cared well for this sanctuary and there was enough supply left. Shortly Alec thought about opening one of the soup cans but the very thought of eating something made his stomach turn in protest.

Instead of that he staggered back to the sleeping room with a bottle of water. However it seemed that his stomach couldn't take much more than a few sips, although he felt terribly thirsty. But at least it helped against his dry mouth.

Then he once again holed up under the soft blankets and quickly drifted off to a restless sleep.

* * *

><p>Max moaned in exasperation, stuffing more packages in her backpack when OC hugged her from behind.<p>

"Hi Boo! OC has to tell you about this cute little blonde she met yesterday. You can't imagine those divine lips she has…"

Cross-looking Max turned around.

"I'm really not in the right mood for this today."

"So you're still moping around because of this dodger? Hey, I thought, he wasn't worth the trouble!"

Angrily Max crossed her arms infront of her.

„Listen I really don't care what Alec's doing or not. So he ran after some girl or whatever idiocy he's up to. But I don't longer want to tidy up the mess he is leaving behind or bail him out once more. So I'm really glad he's gone!"

"Okay, okay" OC raised her hands to calm her friend down. "I get it!" But she couldn't help herself smiling a little.

* * *

><p>Some time later Alec rudely awaked. He had dreamed some weird stuff, but he wasn't able to tell what had worried him so much.<p>

He ran his hands over his face. The air in the small room felt hot and muggy. His T-shirt stuck to his skin again, wet with sweat.

It was late evening by now. It had to be this place. A sudden inner agitation crept over him and as quick as his body would allow he bundled up his stuff. All he wanted was getting away from this place. As fast as possible.

Half an hour later he already was on his way back. Huddled on his motorcycle, to shield himself from the cold air, he speeded towards Seattle.

When he finally could see the lights of Seattle he felt relieved. Those lights were able to fight away the ghosts of the past and the darkness surrounding him, taking away his breath. A great burden vanished. Manticore was his past, beaten. From now on it no longer held any power over him. Or Max. She would destroy this stupid virus and they'll be happily ever after.

He was definitely getting way too corny now and it made him grin.

* * *

><p>Logan rubbed his eyes. He had fallen asleep in front of his computers. The ringing doorbell had woken him. Carefully he adjusted his glasses and ran his hand through his hair before he slowly walked to the front door. It had to be Max at this time of day. He yawned, opening he door. But when he noticed who stood there he unbelievingly rubbed his eyes again.<p>

"Alec! What are you doing here?" Logan put his glasses back to his nose, blinking then looking at his watch. "At 1 a.m.?"

Alec smiled his usual smile, but Logan couldn't help but notice how pale and exhausted his younger friend looked. Not to say how terrible his face looked.

"Are you okay? Do you need help?", worriedly Logan observed Alec's careful moves.

Defensively the X-5 shook his head and gave Logan the backpack.

"No. But I've got something for you in there."

Logan still felt a little irritated, but he opened the door a little more.

"Okay, why don't you come in? Are you sure, that you're fine?" he asked, watching Alec clumsily stumbling into his apartment with concern.

But Alec shrugged, answering happily: "Yes, of course, I'm always fine!"

With puckered brows Logan closed the door.


	7. Lost and found

A/N: Thank you so much for having so much patience and still reading this. I love your reviews. Thanks a lot.

* * *

><p>FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 7: LOST AND FOUND<p>

* * *

><p>Devastated Alec watched his reflection in the mirror the next morning. It took much more time for his body to heal than he had thought. The numerous scratches and cuts hadn't faded enough until now. He tried to hide the bigger ones under his hair and put on a turtle neck and his sunglasses. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to fool Max for long and by the time she discovered where he had been, she would give him hell. Hiding his injuries was only a feeble attempt to throw her of the scent, but it was worth a try. And he was at least prepared for her to go crazy on him.<p>

After another night of death-like sleep he felt a little better. His headaches had ceased and he didn't feel permanently dizzy any longer.  
>Though his stomach still couldn't handle solid food, he had been able to drink some more water instead.<br>Still both his hands were swollen and red, but his right forearm was the worst. Instinctively he had held it in front of his face to protect it from the explosion.  
>Carefully he changed the dressings. The blisters had opened, the skin underneath raw, in some areas the tissue was deeply destroyed. By removing the compress the wound started to bleed heavily again.<p>

Alec sighed. "Alright. Just wonderful."

Carefully he lifted the rest of the compress and tried to clean the he bandaged it that he examined his work in the mirror. Well, for now it had to suffice.  
>Nevertheless he felt weird, maybe even a little concerned; his genetically improved healing abilities usually worked much faster. He tried to put those thought as far away as he was able to and shrugged. "What the hell!"<p>

Before leaving his apartment, he quickly put on his biking gloves so nobody would notice his swollen hands, then he took his messenger bag and left.

* * *

><p>„Hi Boo! You really did quite a job on our lost and found boy, ain't ya?" Smiling OC punched her friend's shoulder.<p>

Max looked at her blankly and closed the door of her locker with a loud thud.

„Well, OC's talking about Alec, you see? So you didn't do this to him?"

Still perplexed Maax asked: „You mean, he's back again?"

OC face lighted up a little more: „Let's sing hallelujah, love, wonders happens sometime. Finally one of our sisters had taken revenge on our playboy appropriately. OC would love to get to know that wonderful girl that represents womankind gracefully like that…"

"Oh I totally believe you. Tell me, where is he? I've got something to teach him, too…" Max eyes blinked aggressively and she clenched her fists.

„Back there with Sketchy and the guys. But…", OC raised her brows and yelled after her friend, who was already hurrying towards back side of the lockers to find the other X-5. "Please, sweety, kill him softly, he really looked beaten…"And more to herself she murmured: "And OC so does have a weakness for those haunted creatures…"

* * *

><p>„Look at you there you are, our prodigal son." Full of anger she had jumped around the corner and had immediatly discovered him surrounded by the other guys, showing her his back, absorbed in one of his stories.<p>

"Hi Alec!"

He winced and slowly turned around. Then his trademark smile appeared on his face and he spread his arms.

"Hi Maxie! Hey did you miss me?"

„It's Max!" unnerved she placed her hands on her hips. "Well, are you gonna tell me now, where you have been all the time?

The other guys quickly had noticed that the continuation of Alec's funny stories about his latest squeezes wouldn't continue for a while and had bolted. No one wanted to get in Max's way.

Alec, deprived of his fans, grunted sulkily: "Is this your way of welcoming friends?"

„Is it yours to let them down?" Max retorted harshly. At the same time she had to admit that OC had been right. Alec actually looked terrible. Immediately the knot in her guts was back. Her rage became worry just to change back to anger. She was mad at herself for being manipulated that easily.

He looked pale, so the many little cuts in his face stood out more clearly. A deep one across his left cheek had started to bleed again.

"I can't believe you got yourself into trouble again!" she snorted and clenched her fists. "Have you even treated this?"

Alec was all smiles. „Ahh, Maxie, I knew you missed me!" He had come to her by now and hugged her heartily.

She stiffened and freed herself out of his grasp, what made him silently moan with pain. Promptly he made sure if Max had noticed anything. But she seemed unimpressed.

"You better take care of your pretty face." She turned around, dashing away hastily.

„But I always thought chicks are into scars!" he yelled.

* * *

><p>"Oh my god, I swear I kill him!" Max was burning with anger.<p>

After her meeting with Alec she had directly rushed to Logan's apartment, telling him everything to get rid of her anger. And her worries, too, which still troubled her. Now she was pacing up and down in his living room.

Logan just smiled, as always occupied with his computers. „Okay, if that will help you, but before doing so, you really should take a look at that."

Max sceptically looked at the screen Logan had turned towards her, so that she could admire the long lines of numbers.

„What is that?"

"That", Logan answered, "is part of Manticore's data archive. Sadly it's pretty damaged but I'll hopefully be able to reconstruct most of it. Max, those discs are full of Manticore's research, studies, data about it's projects, it's secret experiments and probably I even will find some…"

"Data about the virus…"she ended his sentence. Now she could understand why he was so excited.

"Yes."

Lost in thoughts she looked at the screen. "Where did you get this from?", she asked, frowning.

„Alec."

Questioning Max lifted her eyebrow. "Alec?" she stated puzzled.

„He claimed he got it from a secret source. Most likely this is the reason for his five day absence." Logan smiled while Max's eyes were getting bigger and bigger, slowly figuring out the full meaning of what he had sad..

"He has been to Manticore? Is he completely going crazy right now? White and his watchdogs are observing the area for sure, what if they've followed him, he's endangering all of us!"

Amused Logan shook his head. "Max, Alec's not stupid. Yes, he was taking a risk, but when he believes that he can handle it, we have to trust him. Everything went fine. He's a well trained soldier after all, he can do it. You know, this secret governmental institution creating those superpower soldiers? I'm sure he knows what he's doing. "

"I'm not so sure about that. He seems to be able to forget everything he had learned, switching off his brain completely. He should know better than that."

"All he wanted to do was to help. Make good the damage he had done. Maybe he even has succeeded in doing so. You should be happy. And it seems that he eventually has discovered his conscience. We hopefully have reachedt he end of the "Alec-the bad Manticore soldier" - story."

Max sighed deeply. „I totally hope you're right."


	8. Confessions

A/N: Uwow I think you're on the right track…almost…I really try to get faster, but it takes some time until I am satisfied with my translation….do my best :0)

Thank you for your reviews!

And now, enjoy reading!

* * *

><p>FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 8: CONFESSIONS<p>

* * *

><p>Alec was back again. Everything was just fine, according to his words. But still there was this lurking doubt, not even a ride on her loved ninja could distract. As fast as she was driving she wasn't able to get rid of the thought that something was completely wrong. Or was going to.<br>Those injuries in his face. Where did they come from? And she hadn't missed him wincing when she escaped his bear hug more or less violently. Apart from that, she almost got the impression, she had surprised him with her appearance during his chat with the guys. Had he really been that absorbed in his talking, that he hadn't noticed her at all? Had his alertness lessened that much?  
>By all means she had to talk to him and he would have a lot to explain. She wouldn't let him get away that easily. Max speeded up her bike a little more to get faster to the crash.<p>

* * *

><p>Maybe it hadn't been much of a good idea to start working again. Alecs body seemed to be unwilling to deliver packages. After a short time the outlines of his surrounding already began to blur and he had to permanently fight against dizziness.<p>

But perhaps it just wasn't his day. He only had to do a smaller tour, delivering packages in the sector near Jam Pony, but he felt weird. Almost drained. He didn't nearly reach his usual speed. Everything seemed to need more time today. Even Normal noticed that he wasn't at his best and sent him home early. To relax. Because his vacation must have been demanding. That really was alarming. But on the other side, now he could make himself comfortable on his couch before heading to the crash later.  
>He didn't intend to slow down because of some minor injuries. He was a soldier, he could suck it up.<p>

* * *

><p>Arriving at the crash, the usual haze welcomed him, alcohol, cigarettes and sweat mixing in the air. He fought with the feeling of suffocation.<p>

After taking several deep breaths in front of the entrance, gasping for air, he collected all his strength and put his ordinary, disinterested smirk on is face fighting his way to their table.

The loud cacophony of voices streamed into him without hindrance and the air around him seemed even stuffier. His way was never ending. He had to concentrate not to bump against clubbing people all the time.

Eventually arriving at their table the pictures grew hazy in front of his eyes for a short time and he had to cling firmly to the table to not tumble over. Not before he took a seat the world around him slowed down a bit.

He looked around suspicioulsly, if anyone had noticed.

Max being deep in conversation with OC, Sketchy distracted with a sweet blonde girl.

He breathed deeply. Everything was fine.

But still the voices kept throbbing in his head and the soft light made the silhouettes of the furnishing become indistinct. With little success he tried to join the conversation with his friends but time seemed weirdly stretched and blurry.

Sketchy placed a mug of beer in front of his nose and Alec winked perplexedly. He hadn't even noticed the other man leaving for replenishment. The very smell of the beer made him nauseous and the X-5 pushed it aside.

Everybody seemed to talk excitedly all at once. He wasn't able to figure out any context, everything merged into one another. Time seemed to pass faster, too fast for him to catch up. His surrounding was spinning fast motion and he only could record small sections.

Logan gesturing franticly. OC laughing. Sketchy wanted to play billiard, but Alec wasn't even sure he even could stand up.

Suddenly Max's dark eyes were turned towards him. "Hey! Alec! I'm talking to you! Are you allright?" Was he mistaken or was there a hint of concern in her eyes?

He tried his famous smile. "Yeah! Of course! I'm always fine!" But somehow he wasn't too sure anymore. The air still was too stifling to breathe freely.

He buried his face in his hands. His head was throbbing again. Black spots were dancing on the edge of his vision. His body gave plain signs. Time to go.

Wobbly he got up, leaning onto the table, carefully putting on his jacket. With a small wave to the others he said goodbye. "See you tomorrow."

Then he disappeared into the crowd.

Max gazed after him, lost in her thoughts. She noticed the untouched mug with beer in front of his chair and she was sure he had swayed slightly when he had gotten up, although he had covered it well. So not Alec.

He had been abstracted, the whole time, no silly jokes, no annoying flirting with the girls in short skirts. And there had been many opportunities he hadn't even noticed. On top of all this hurried departure. Something was so not fine. And she would figure it out. No doubt.

* * *

><p>"Good morning Alec!" , Max said in a honeyed voice, clapping Alec's shoulder. His only half hidden moan immediately was placed on her list of proofs. "Because we are such good friends, we're running our tour together today." She put her arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer. "So that we finally can have a little chat. What do you think of that?"<p>

But before he even was able to give the smallest objection, she added. "Soory, that's not for negotiation." She released him and grabbed her bicycle. Alec sighed deeply and caught his bike to follow the dark haired women. "Lucky me."

They delivered the first bunch of packages in silence. Max pretended to be detached, but in fact she was collecting further evidence. On their way back to Jam Pony she finally spoke.

„I really need some coffee…what about you?" She gracefully jumped off her bike and stopped in front of a street vendor. Alec shook his head and stiffly got off his bike. He still felt miserable, although much less dizzy. His whole body ached, every muscle sore. But he got used to the nausea slowly, as long as he ingested nothing more than water, it was bearable.

Max was balancing a steaming cup of coffee in one, her bike in her other hand waiting for Alec to catch up.

"So, what about just telling me what's happend in Maticore?"

Puzzled he looked at his friend and stopped shocked.

"Who…?"

"That really wasn't hard to guess. A secret source? Come on, you're much better than this." She took a sip of her coffee and observed him expectantly.

"Logan." Alec stated and shrugged.

"Yup. Imagine, we're talking. Surprise, surprise. And now, talk! And please, humour me; don't try to lie to me. You look like dead warmed over. Just tell me if you need help, this one time before it's too late." Pointedly she looked at him but Alec avoided her eyes.

"I'm fine.

Max sighed. "At least tell me, what's happened."

"I don't have any choice, do I?"

Hesitantly Alec started to tell her everything while walking their bikes back to the messenger service. Max was apparently preoccupied in enjoying her coffee and Alec was very interested in the condition of the street beneath him. She didn't have to look at him to know that he didn't tell her the whole truth. For now he would get away with this. But it was a long day and they still had to do some more tours.


	9. Happy family

A/N: Yeah, I feel for Alec, too, but unfortunately it has to get worse, before it gets better…sorry Alec…

Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews! Can't thank you enough!

* * *

><p>FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 9: HAPPY FAMILY<p>

* * *

><p>„Wow, Max, you really are in a hurry. Having anything special on tonight?" Alec got of his bike, leaning it against the wall and himself next to it. Both hands placed on his knees he was panting, struggling for air. Taking a deep breath, he wiped away some sweat from his forehead.<p>

Max laughed, black hair flying through the air. "So you partied too much yesterday? What have you done after leaving the crash so soon?"

But truth was, she didn't feel like joking at all. Alec was acting more than weird. Being on their second tour, they only had delivered a few packages and still had several more to do, but the young ex-soldier was at the end of his rope while she didn't feel any physical effort at all. She already had dramatically slowed down, once she had noticed he couldn't keep up with her. That was odd. He should be able to stand the pace easily.

"You're pretty out of form, huh? Relax while I'm doing the work all by myself. I'm used to it now." Her voice was teasing but also full of concern. She opened the heavy iron door and walked along the driveway to the front door. By the time she returned, Alec still sat on the ground, breathing heavily.

"Tell me again, how exactly have you made it to Manticore?" she asked unbelievingly and settled herself down next to him.

He shrugged. "Already told you. In fact I haven't been in Manticore. You appear to forget Renfro's laboratory is a little distance out." Clumsily he climbed to his feet, using the wall for support. "Okay, let's go!"

Worriedly Max watched him. Yes, Alec had told her about his little secret mission, but if this explosion had been minor and his injuries superficial why was he behaving this strange? He was blanketing something.

Forcefully Alec was pedalling faster, to keep pace with the girl. He felt totally worn out and badly wanted to take a break and slow down, but he would so not show Max any weakness. Not more than he already had.  
>He took one hand off the handlebars and wiped the sweat of his forehead again. Even his t-shirt felt damp and sticky. Another novelty he couldn't classify. Not only that he wanted to sleep almost every when and where, being tired to death constantly, no, he sweated as well.<p>

Manticore soldiers did not sweat. And much less after a short sprint of no more than one kilometre, not after such a piece of cake. He shook himself. He had to pull himself up for god's sake; he couldn't let his hair down. But the bad feeling in his guts grew with every minute. Something was wrong. Totally wrong.

And the worst thing was, Max seemed to have noticed.

* * *

><p>It took much longer to finish their work than Max had thought. A lot longer than usual, although she had tried to secretly do most of the deliveries hidden from Alec's eyes. She didn't had to try very hard however, he seemed hardly aware of anything.<p>

And now she was waiting for him front of the boy's bathroom in Jam Pony, where Alec had disappeared once again, like he had done so many times before on this day.

When he finally came out, she could see sweat glisten on his face and he was looking rather greenish. She didn't want to go home and leave him alone right now, but she knew very well, if she said so, he just would push her right away again. So she had to think about something else. Fast.

"Ah…hey, Alec, let's grab some food and visit Joshua, he'll be glad to have some company tonight. He's been pretty alone the past few days, with you being away on your mission I had to work a lot" She could see him hesitate, so she quickly added "You really owe him that much, you know, for lying to me." It was a cheap shot she knew it, but she didn't care.

Alec felt miserable. All he wanted was to get back home, curling up in his bed. But his friend was right, he owed the dog boy and he knew she wouldn't concede either.

"Okay. Just give me a minute to get my stuff. I'll be back in a second." He turned around to catch his backpack and to have some minutes alone to take a break and pull himself together.

Max smiled. Her plan worked.

* * *

><p>The smell of food made him sick. But Joshua seemed so proud of his macaroni. He had desperately wanted to made dinner himself, being so happy that all of them were together again. He wanted to care for his little family.<p>

Alec sat down on a chair nearby, closing his eyes for a second. Maybe if he just would concentrate, focusing enough, the nausea would stop.

Max watched her friend closely. She knew that he didn't feel well. But she knew too, that there was no point in confronting him with her knowledge. He would just deny everything, repeating his mantra over and over again.  
>I'm fine.<p>

Joshua brought the steaming plates, placing them on the table.

Alec opened his eyes and smiled, although it came out a little afflicted. "That really looks fine, dog boy!" But just the look of it made his stomach scream in protest. Joshua smiled proudly and they started eating, the big guy shovelling loads of food into his mouth with rapid speed, Max picking in her noodles. Alec didn't touch his food at all.

"Alec not eating?" Joshua gave him a questioning glance.

He could feel Max's lingering gaze when his stomach finally decided it was enough and he jumped up his chair, running to the bathroom. Just in time he made it there, collapsing in front of the toilet bowl just before he started heaving heavily.

Max watched Alec's face turn from white to green and then he ran away. Seconds later they could hear the retching noises from the small bathroom. She wanted to jump up, go and look after him but Joshua held her back and stood up himself.

"Joshua make sure he's alright." he explained.

She nodded, knowing that Alec would rather let the dog guy tend him, although she wanted badly to do it herself. She was worried, not longer able to negate the fact she really did care about him, even if he was a thoughtless pain in the ass sometimes. Most of the times, in fact.

* * *

><p>"You should just tell her."<p>

Joshua had appeared silently in the bathroom door where Alec sat beside the toilet, slightly sweating. But at least he wasn't dry heaving any longer. It was only making his stomach hurt even more together with his throat.

"What…?I'm fine! Why can't anyone leave me alone?"

Alec was angry, but more because of Joshua seeing him weak like this. His body kept betraying him. How should he handle this?

Big boy remained motionless at the door, looking down on his friend, who was shivering from the cold tiles. "Trust her." He simply ignored Alec's stupid protest.

The young X-5 didn't get it. Why everybody seemed to know better than himself how to feel and act? On the other hand Joshua was able to look right through his mask most times.  
>When he wanted to answer, his tall friend just turned around, closing the door behind him, but not before tossing him a fresh towel, saying: "Medium fella must trust someone eventually."<p>

Looking to the towel in his hand Alec murmured: "Trust…huh?"

* * *

><p>Joshua came back to the soft lit dining room, where Max still sat by the table, picking in her plate, pushing noodles from one side to another. When he came near the table she looked up to him asking anxiously: "How's he?"<p>

Her friend shrugged. "Maybe Alec didn't like Joshua's food."

Max shook her head: "No, it's not just your food…he's acting strangely lately, closing up and shutting everyone out". She was still looking to her plate.

The big guy nodded. "Alec's scared. Very. " He sat down next to her while she seemed lost in thoughts. Then she sighed. Placing her fork next to her plate, she looked up to Joshua.

"I wish he would stop pushing me away and keeping me out. I wish he would just tell me what's wrong with him. I can't help him if he doesn't want me to."

She hid her face in her hands, taking a deep breath and then running them through her dark hair.

Joshua laid his hand on her shoulder "He will." he just said

Max looked her big friend in the eye, noticing the belief in his eyes. But she still was not so sure.


	10. Blacking out

A/N: saying sorry will not be enough….but I truly am…

* * *

><p>FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 10: BLACKING OUT<p>

* * *

><p>After what seemed like hours, Alec reappeared from the bathroom, looking deathly pale instead of green now with a thin layer of sweat on his forehead and nose.<p>

He patted Joshua shoulder.

"Sorry, Josh, for crashing your party. Must have been something I ate today. You know my love for crappy food…" Alec shrugged before Joshua pulled the smaller guy into a tight hug.  
>"Don't worry, I'm fine." His voice sounded muffled, cushioned with the other guy's thick sweater.<p>

Joshua held his friend for another few minutes, before letting him go.

A little embarrassed, Alec waved goodbye. "I'll better go to bed now, sleep it off. See you tomorrow," he said with a nod toward Max.

Max got up, her chair squeaking when she pushed it back. She wanted to offer him a ride home, but then thought better of it. He would never accept her help.  
>So she accompanied Joshua and stood by his side. Her bigger friend put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer and together they silently watched Alec leave. Max laid her head on Joshua's shoulder, happy for the comfort her big friend always provided.<p>

"Alec going to talk to little fella. Joshua sure."

* * *

><p>After visiting Logan, who was enthusiastically recovering files, she arrived late at Jam Pony the other day. Looking for the other X-5, still slightly worried, she saw OC turning around a corner with her bike.<p>

"Hey, OC, have you seen Alec yet?" she asked.

OC nodded. "Yep. Golden Boy has already left for his first tour. Seemed in a hurry, though," she paused, observing her friend, who definitely looked emotionally drained. "Wanna join me? Normal ordered me an adequate amount of deliveries for another two weeks of work all falling due today. Enough for the both of us. OC definitely could use some help."  
>Max sighed. No doubt, Alec was avoiding her. There was nothing to do about that. So instead of investigating more about his mission, she picked up some packages from her friend and headed for her bike, too. Grinning she said. "Let's go then!"<br>Working with OC was always fun and Max could easily block out her concerns regarding Alec, for a few hours at least. It felt good not to think about what may have happened and how she could bring him to trust her. Together with OC she was able to talk about other things, girly stuff and nonsense.

So when they came back to Jam Pony hours later, she felt relaxed and full of energy again, ready to face any trouble Alec was hiding.  
>And she would need her newly gained strength sooner than she had imagined.<p>

* * *

><p>She had just jumped off her bike, when Sketchy came running towards her, tugging at her sweater. "Max, god, I'm so glad to see you."<p>

OC never had seen her friend so hysterical. Questioningly she looked to Max, who calmingly lay her hands on the boy's shoulders.

"Okay. Deep breaths. Calm down."

But Sketchy shook his head. "No, no, you have to come with me…," he kept pulling on her sweater. "It's Alec!"

Finally Max jumped into action. "Alec? What has happened?"

Sketchy was already hurrying into the building, Max and OC both following closely.

Sketchy's voice sounded shaken. "I've absolutely no idea. One minute he was just fine and the other he suddenly fell of his chair. Just like that. We couldn't wake him."

Max changed a worried glance with OC, who mumbled: "Better for you."

Then the lockers came into sight and with them a small group of Jam Pony employees surrounding a collapsed figure on the floor. Alec. Motionless.

Max made her way through the people, her heart bumping frantically. Her hands suddenly were sweaty and shaky. But when she carefully got down on her knees next to him, finally her instincts kicked in and her heartbeat slowed down. After taking a deep breath she completely fell back to her calm soldier modus, going through the motions. First: Checking his pulse on his neck.

For a tiny moment she didn't feel anything and closed her eyes, silently whispering: "Don't do this to me, please." She changed the position of her fingers and there it was. She could feel the slightly accelerated but steady pulse and sighed relieved.  
>While she continued with checking Alec's head for injuries and his pupil reaction to light, Normal arrived to see what had caused the spectacle.<p>

"Bip, bip, bip, why are you standing around like this? You have a job to do!" But then he caught a glance of his golden boy lying on the floor and he hurried over to Max. "Oh my god! What happened? Max, what have you done to him?"

"I didn't do anything!" she spit at him and threw her head around. "And now get these people off me; you can't even catch a single breath in here!"

Normal was too shocked to complain about the way she was ordering him around. "You've heard the girl!" With outstretched arms he shushed the crowd away.

Max observed her friend closer. A small line of blood was leaking from his nose. He looked pale. The lump in her throat grew bigger with every second. She laid a hand on his cheek, carefully patting him.

"Come on, sleepy head, you have to wake up now."

When he didn't react, she patted stronger. She was just about to give up when he shortly moaned and turned his head to the side.

"Damn Alec, open your eyes, now!" She slapped him in the face and in fact it worked. Slowly he opened his eyes, but he seemed quite drowsy, his vision clouded, not recognising her. Max could actually see his instincts taking over, telling him to get as fast out as he could. With a sudden movement his legs pushed him backwards until his half raised back hit the locker doors with a loud bang. He couldn't get hold on the floor and his legs slipped several times. Reassuringly she held her hands in front of her.

"Hey, it's me. Max. Okay!"

Very slowly she moved towards him. He blinked several times, breathing hard.

"Alec. Don't you recognize me? It's okay. You're safe. Look at me."

He pressed his eyes together, before opening them slowly. It took a long while till he really looked at her and even longer until his eyes focused and awareness found a way through the fog to his brain.

Alec blinked once more. "Max? What has happened?" His voice sounded raspy.

But he was back again. Max sighed with relieve and relaxed a little.

"I don't know. You tell me."

He shook his head.

"You fainted," she noted.

"I don't faint. Never. Only girls faint."

Max shrugged. "Whatever."

Concerned she watched him trying to get up. He didn't do very well.

"Maybe you should rest a little?"

But her advice wasn't welcomed.

Instead, Alec answered defiantly: „Don't bother. I'm fine!"

Determined he was trying to find something to hold onto so he could rise, but the smooth surface of the locker doors didn't help at all and he had to accept Max's helping hands finally. She pulled him up without difficulties.  
>"Yes of course. You totally are," she stated ironically and raised her eyebrow. The other X-5 closed his eyes.<p>

"Give me a minute," he pleaded with a trembling voice.

Max could almost feel his knees buckling, so she pulled her friend closer to her body and commanded: "Alec! Open your eyes!"

He winced, but obeyed immediately, succeeding in staying on his sluggish legs.

"Heavy migraines, " Max explained to all those staring faces around them as she was dragging Alec with her towards the exit. She shared a telling look with Normal: "All those blows to the head didn't help, either…,"she shrugged. "I'll take him home."

OC accompanied her friends to the entrance door, where she changed worried glances with her girl, wishing her luck without saying a word. She didn't need to say anything. Max understood. Alec had more friends than he knew.

* * *

><p>"You don't have to do this, you know," Alec mumbled.<p>

Max drawled. "Yeah, I know. You're fine. I got it. But Normal is gonna kill me, if I let something happen to his golden boy. Don't let that get to your head."

He snorted.

Max helped him climb her bike. His knees still were wobbly and so it took her some time until he was securely seated.  
>She didn't comment his condition, trying hard not to embarrass him. She knew too well how wrong it felt to be vulnerable and weak like this in front of others when all you've ever learned was that showing weakness meant being unworthy and…dead. Carefully she steered her ninja through the traffic. Slowly because she was a little worried her friend just would fell off, if she speeded up. His grip on her waist felt too fragile.<p>

Perhaps she had been a little too cautious.

By the time his apartment house came into sight he suddenly managed to jump off her bike, heading for the stairs to his door.

In the few seconds it took her to find a secure parking space, he had already gained quite a lead. She hurried after him, taking two steps at a time, to reach him on his doorstep. Surprised with the sudden change from almost toppling over with every step to running away from her without much effort she eyed him carefully. He was strong enough to block the door with his body, but she noticed the sheen of sweat on his face as he leaned heavily on the doorframe. She made a move towards him and he steadied himself, repelling her helping hands.

"I'm fine. Leave me alone." With those words he shut the door right into her face, leaving her stunned outside.

Her anger came back in seconds. Furiously she knocked at his door. Again.  
>"Alec!," she shouted, boiling with fury. Ungrateful douchebag.<br>When there was no response she stormed down the stairs. "Hell, so do what you want!"

* * *

><p>He slumped down to the floor behind his door. Why couldn't she just understand that he didn't need her help. Couldn't accept it. Because he never would be able to even it out. Everything he needed was a little piece and quiet to recover. Not Max rubbing her selfless act of help under his nose whenever she wanted.<p>

Back at Jam Pony when he had come back to consciousness, he had been confused. Scared like hell. All those voices whispering, those people surrounding him, enclosing him.  
>His instincts had screamed to him, had told him to get out.<p>

All he needed now, was some time to calm down. Alone. Safe.


	11. Fix you

A/N: Ready for a little comfort?...Thank you very much for your review, recicup!after all this time...:o)

* * *

><p>FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 11: FIX YOU<p>

* * *

><p>This time the airflow on her ninja cooled down her anger much faster.<br>Why did he have to be stubborn like this? All she wanted was to help him. Make sure that he was okay. Yeah. OC was right. Because she cared.  
>Reluctantly she agreed with Logan, too. She did recognise her former self in Alec. The way he was pushing everybody away, his defences up like a concrete wall to protect himself, not trusting anybody. Enemies everywhere.<br>She knew all too well how he felt. Alone. Trying hard to block everyone out. And he was especially good at that. Driving everyone around him mad, so they wouldn't come to close.  
>Logan had managed to break through her shell in the end. Taught her to trust again.<br>Now Alec needed her to teach him that he could trust his friends. That among friends showing weakness was not failure.  
>No, she wouldn't let him go this easily.<br>Max turned her ninja around, accelerating. He wouldn't succeed in scaring her away once more.

A few minutes later she was back at his door, knocking.

"Alec, come on, open the door!"

Nothing happened. "You know I can simply break it," she stated.

Just in when she readied herself to knock the door down, he opened it a crack.

"What do you want?" he asked wearily. He looked tired.

Innocently she answered: "Just wanna make sure you're okay."

With a scornful snort he tried to close the door once more, but this time Max was prepared and stopped the door with her boot.

"Be careful. Makes you sound like you care."

"I do," she answered him, catching his gaze.

His eyes turned to the floor and he shrugged: "You won't give up?"  
>But it was more a statement than a question and he backed away, letting her into his apartment, where he slumped down on his couch, burying his head in his hands.<br>Slowly she sat down next to him and softly placed a hand on his back. He froze at her touch, but didn't recoil.

She sighed. That was going to be much harder than she preferred. If she wanted him to open up, she had to open up herself first. Quietly she began to speak: "Of course I do care. You are my friend. And you're important to me. So I need to know that you're okay. What you tried to do for Logan and me, that's…it could change everything…," she fell silent, lacking words. "…but I don't want that. Not at all costs. I can't lose another friend. So please let me help you." Her words lingered in the air between them. She felt nervous. Exposed.

He raised his head, a cocky smirk on his face: "Huh, a little overdramatic, don't you think?"

She smiled. So he felt safer with not being too serious. She definitely could deal with that. "Overflow of hormones," she shrugged. "Not my fault."

He gave her a brotherly shove. "Yeah, I forgot big, bad Manticore. Poor girl!"

Prompting she looked at him. "So, did it work? Will you tell me what happened out there?"

He nodded, finally giving in. "I better will, before you break down in tears." His smile widened. The picture of Max crying like a girl. A lot more had to happen until that dream came true. But he began to talk, telling her every single detail.

* * *

><p>His report left her clueless. "That minor explosion did this? But after all these days your body should have healed already. Let me take a look at those injuries." She simply couldn't believe it. Alec observed her unbelieving face. Was it true? Did she care? For him, who totally screwed up her life?<p>

Tediously he took off his sweater, revealing all those bruises on his upper body. Max had to repress a horrified yelp. She had to use all her strength to maintain a neutral face. There was not a single spot of untouched skin to be found on his body, black and blue everywhere. Gently she probed his ribs, without looking him in the eye.

"Broken?" she asked. He shook his head, clenching his teeth. It had to hurt like hell.

"No just bruised."

She believed him. Manticore soldiers knew the difference.

Continuing with her examination, she undressed the wound on his right forearm. It looked bad, hot to the touch and swollen, bandages bloody. Her stomach cramped with empathy.

"This should really look much better by now. Unless the explosion hasn't caused much more damage than you're telling me."

Alec took a quick look himself. "No. It has been pretty much looking the same for the last few days."  
>Jokingly he continued: "Maybe Manticore screwed up. I'm changing back to normal." He laughed, but Max could hear the fear in his voice.<p>

"Perhaps you should go see Dr. Carr..." she prompted, but Alec immediately interrupted her:

"I will not expose myself to any kind of doctor!"

She felt helpless. There was nothing for her to do; she had not been trained for this weird loss of healing abilities. There was something else she had been trained for though. So she started with the acquainted parts she was perfectly trained to handle.  
>Getting Alec's med kit from the bathroom, she cleaned the wound and changed the dressing, then strapped up his ribs, so he could breathe more freely. Those routines were soothing, something she could hold onto. Patiently he waited for her to finish her work. He was exhausted. His body felt so tired he almost didn't notice the pain. Several times he had to fight against his dropping eyelids.<p>

Max pretended to be unaware of his struggles. Knowingly she added his behaviour to the dark circles under his eyes and the even more prominent paleness of his face. After she had finished her work, she nonchalantly place two little pills in his hand. "Painkillers. Get some rest." Without waiting for a response, she tousled his hair, ignoring his protest and left the room, giving him some space.

When she came back, he had vanished to his bedroom and she made herself comfortable in his chair, turning on the TV. It couldn't really drive away all those questions in her head, but at least it kept her distracted for the rest of the evening.


	12. Maybe I'm just too close

A/N: Ahh…don't hate me…

* * *

><p>FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 12: MAYBE I'M JUST TOO CLOSE<p>

* * *

><p>Max must have been fallen asleep sometime during the night, because when she opened her eyes again, bright daylight welcomed her together with Alec's wide grinning face only centimetres in front of hers.<p>

"Hello sunshine! Who's the sleepy head now?"

She freed herself from the blanket, which Alec apparently had placed over her during the night and rubbed her eyes to clear her vision. Then she stretched her aching body. The armchair wasn't that comfortable to sleep in.

He moved easily to the kitchen, returning with a steaming cup of coffee. When had he made coffee? She frowned and took a closer look at him.

"You look better."

Nonchalantly he answered: "Of course I do. Always been the pretty one." He passed her one of the cups and continued. "Maybe Manticore has additionally given you healing skills, too. I really feel better. A lot. You would definitely make a good looking nurse. Grumpy, but good looking."

When he sat down next to her she punched his shoulder challengingly, carefully avoiding spilling her coffee.

"Hardly surprising with those friends!" She took a reluctant sip of the steaming black brew, while he was still trying to cool his down with blowing into it. Looking at the white bandages on his arm, she noted: "I need to redress that nevertheless." He shrugged. "Do what you have to."

He felt so much better, so much more like his usual self that he didn't cared. Everything was fine with him unless this creepy exhaustion stayed away. For ever. He felt ready to face anything today. And in Max astonished but satisfied glances he saw that he was physically better, too. The burn mark on his arm still was swollen red, but it didn't radiate with heat any longer. The bruises on his body were finally fading to a more greenish colour. Alec endured the procedure without any complains, making smart-ass comments, smiling.

Max couldn't believe it. He was back. This knot in her guts vanished. She was happy. Relieved.

Alec's voice interrupted her thoughts: "Hey, are you still sleeping? I said, we better go now before we give Normal a heart attack."

Together they left the apartment. This time he easily climbed her beloved ninja behind her and they arrived at Jam Pony a few minutes later without incident. Normal welcomed them: "Alec! So glad you're back. Are you sure you're okay. Do you need some more time to recover? You know you shouldn't rush things!" He hugged the male X-5 tightly. Anoyed Alec looked over to Max for help, but she just smiled and shook her head, mouthing:  
>"Deal with it!" before she vanished from his sight.<br>So he had to endure Normal fussing over him, placing him down on a chair, serving him tea until Max came back with her bike, loaded with packages. Quickly he jumped up and ran over to her before Normal could voice his protests.

"Hey Max!" brotherly he draped his arm around her shoulders. "Maybe you're in use of some help? I'm definitely able to keep up with you today!"

"Hm...," she pretended to consider his suggestion, letting him dangle a little more.

"Oh, please, don't leave me here with mother hen Normal. He's creepy!" He looked at her with pleading eyes.

She smiled and put her hand around his waist, pulling him closer to her.

"so you need me to save you once more?...Of course! Let's go!" she laughed.

* * *

><p>It was hard to believe for her, more like a dream than reality. All those worries about nothing? Had she simply overreacted? She watched him, cruising on his bike a few metres in front of her. He was better, there was no doubt. Not longer slow and exhausted. Maybe his reflexes were a little less accurate than usual, but she wasn't sure.<p>

She shook her head to get rid of the last worries. Oh, she had been stupid. He was Alec after all. He would always struggle along everywhere, no matter what. Bad weeds grow tall. How could she have forgotten that?

She smiled, pedalling faster. Her long, dark hair blew freely in the wind and sunshine reflected on her bike. The streets were full with people enjoying the warmth. It was a perfect day.

* * *

><p>It happened all of a sudden.<p>

Alec turned around on his bike, shouting something to her she didn't understand because at the same moment she was distracted by a car turning round the corner at high speed heading directly towards her friend.

She screamed, but it was too late. The pictures in front of her were moving in slow motion, soundless. Helpless she had to watch the car hitting Alec on his bike; his body flying through the air, then crashing into the windshield and finally falling down to the ground, where he stayed motionless. The car didn't come to a stop until it collided with a water hydrant. Cold water was raining down the street. The unconscious driver's head pressed the signal horn. An alarm bell was shrieking.

One moment everything around her was silent and just one second later deafening chaos hold sway over her world. Time jumped back to normal speed.

Max regardlessly threw her bike to the ground and with her eyes fixed on the lifeless body she ran to Alec and fell to her knees next to him.

She heard all the noises around her, felt the people gathering on the street, many of them shouting, but all that mattered to her was the shallow rising of his chest. He was alive. Everything would be fine. She had to calm down. But her hands were shaking when she touched his face, trying to wake him once more.

"Alec," she whispered and her voice was shaking, too. She really had to pull herself together so she took a deep breath and cleaned herself of all the useless emotions she felt, let herself embrace the emptiness inside her. Drained of her feelings, her body felt numb and she easily changed into soldier mode.

Listing his injuries, assessing the damage.  
>Unconscious. Racing pulse. Head wound. Laboured breathing. Fracture of his left upper arm, bone piercing through skin. Possible inner bleeding. Her healing hands would not be sufficient for those.<p>

Carefully she fixed his head in her lap, stroking his hair.

His eyes flickered and he moaned, trying to get up.

It was too easy for her to hold him down."Shhh! Don't move. Help is on the way."

He croaked. "Max!"

She shook her head. "It's okay. Everything's gonna be fine. Just stay still." Soothingly she kept stroking his head, disregarding all the blood staining her clothes.

"No, Max…we have to…get out of here!" He gulped. Still, he struggled against her tight grip. "We….can't stay here!"

Max could feel something wet on her cheeks. Tears?

"I'm sorry, Alec, but we can't go. You need a hospital first."

"No, Max, I'm fine! Don't worry about me, had much worse!"

Angrily she wiped away those tears, smearing blood all over her face in this way.

"Sure you had. We still are going to get you to the hospital."

In the distance she could hear the ambulance arriving. Alec's efforts strengthened.

"Max!" he shouted weakly but the she just continued patting his hair.

"N..No…hos…pitals." he slurred before he lost consciousness again.


	13. to lose you

FEAR AND LOATHING IN SEATTLE

* * *

><p>Chapter 13: …TO LOSE YOU<p>

* * *

><p>Memories flickered in front of her eyes and pictures of Ben changed place with reality. It felt just like one of those movies, she was stuck in the past, unable to change fate. Would it always come down to this?<p>

She concentrated on the shallow pulse under her fingers. For now, the unsteady beating of his heart was all that mattered.

After what seemed like hours, OC broke her out of her stupor. She had crouched down next to her unnoticed and now carefully touched her shoulder.

"I've called Logan."

Max met her friends gaze. The Nubian princess was worried, too, her face pale from shock. Together they sat in silence, no words left to describe what they felt, the fear they shared, waiting for the paramedics to arrive. And then finally, Logan's voice, arguing with one of the paramedics, broke the tension. They needed to jump out of the way as the paramedics shoved past them to get to the injured young man on the ground.

Max hoped to feel relief, while she watched the paramedics doing their job, but all she was aware of, was a strange feeling of numbness overwhelming her body. She didn't belong here. They didn't belong here. And now everything felt wrong.

Someone next to her cleared his throat. Logan stood as close to her as he was able to, without touching.

"They'll bring him to Dr. Carr. He will take care of him."

Despite her strong and intimidating appearance, he knew she had to be terrified. That she was reliving old memories. But instead of hugging her to offer some comfort, he was punished with having to watch her empty, stone like face. Her expressionless Manticore mask. And there was nothing he could do about that. He angrily closed his hands and clenched them to fists. Damn Manticore and its fucking virus.

"I'll drive you to the hospital."

Max nodded.

* * *

><p>Everything around her blurred. All she could focus on were the double swing doors, where Dr. Carr had hurriedly disappeared with Alec before. Logan sat patiently next to her on another of those uncomfortable plastic chairs, which managed to make every minute of waiting even more unbearable, while OC kept fussing over her, bringing coffee and sweets.<p>

"You know that pretty boy will be okay, hon. He's a tough one." Carefully she placed her warm hand on Max's knee.

Together they anxiously waited for the doctor to reappear through the double doors of the OR.

When Sam finally rushed towards them, Max jumped off her chair, fists closed. They all looked at him questioningly.

Assuringly Dr. Carr smiled and touched the female X5's shoulder. Her body stiffened. "No worries. He's going to be fine. If he is only half the healer you are, he'll be out of here in the afternoon. He has a concussion and I stabilized some broken ribs. His liver was bleeding pretty badly, so I had to remove part of it. But that will heal. He'll sure feel weak for a couple of days, because of the blood loss, but with plenty of fluids and some rest, he'll be up and walking in no time."

Max didn't respond the doctor's broad smile. She needed to see Alec herself.

"Where's he?"

Sam smiled and pointed down the long corridor. "Sleeping off the sedation. Last room on the left. I think it would be best for him to see a familiar face when he wakes up. If you need anything, let me know."

OC touched her shoulder. "Make sure our boy is fine. OC needs to get a party started." She smiled and this time Max did the same.

* * *

><p>Logan watched her while they walked down the sterile corridor. She seemed calm and unemotional with this particular professional look on her face, Manticore had given her. Together they stood in front of the white door Sam had shown them, but Max didn't move. He knew that she had to be burning inside, screaming. She had already lost too many of her brothers and sisters and she always felt responsible for their fates. But her face showed no sign of emotion.<p>

She still was protecting herself, building walls, shutting everyone out.

Shutting even him out. This epiphany was painful.

The fact, that he wasn't able to comfort her, hurt so much. He wanted badly to touch her and tell her it was perfectly normal to feel and show her feelings. That she was not alone in this world, because he would always be by her side.

He wasn't able to talk to her either.

But his decision was strengthened. Priority number one: Repairing those files. Killing the virus.

He wouldn't leave her, no matter how hard she tried to push him away to save him.

Of course he too, was worried for their friend. The smart-ass X-5 had grown to his heart. But he was more worried about Max, falling back to old habits. Always fighting alone.

He tried so hard to stop her from retreating and to regain her trust.

Angrily Max shook her head.

The whole thing had been one huge mistake. It felt so wrong, standing in front of this door, so close to losing someone she cared for, again. She didn't want to feel this pain anymore.

She couldn't make friends. Because Manticore would always make sure, that she would lose them in the end. –you kill the ones, you love-

Her hand lingered on the doorknob. And then all of a sudden she turned around, ready to leave. But Logan stood in her way, blocking her. She wasn't able to move without touching him accidentally in the process.

"Don't do that." His voice was calm, but strong.

"Step aside!"

"He needs you."

Max hid her face in her hands. "I can't." She sighed. "I cannot do this any longer!"

Logan waited until she looked him in the eyes.

"He's gonna be fine. But he needs a friend. He needs you."

She looked in his big blue eyes, trying hard to get her emotions under control. Of course she knew that he was right, after all she was responsible for this. For them being free, scattered everywhere, without having a home.

It was too late for not caring.

"He is fine. You won't lose him." Logan's voice was barely a whisper, but determined.

She took a deep breath. "Fine, "she said, turned around and entered the room.

* * *

><p>Peacefully sleeping in those white sheets he looked innocent and young. Two things he never had been. It was easy to see the small child he had never been allowed to be. They never had been allowed to be.<p>

How could she let that happen? That she felt for him, Alec, the superficial guy, who was always thinking of himself first? But that wasn't true, not any longer. Truth was that she was scared, scared like hell, because caring for him also meant that there was another one she might lose. Max closed her eyes.

"You destroy everything you love." She still heard Renfro's piercing voice in her head. The idea of losing somebody once again after all those dead she had already mourned…she feared that she wouldn't survive another friend leaving her forever.

What was she supposed to do? It was definitely too late to switch off her feelings for him. Carefully she sat down on the small plastic chair beside his bed, not wanting to disturb the silence. Ben. Alec. They looked so much alike. She had let him in, and now it was too late to struggle back. In consequence she was trapped. Worse, she had trapped herself willingly. Manticore soldiers would never live a long, peaceful life. So all she could hope for was going first, so she wouldn't have to face another death.

She rested her elbows on his bed and placed her head in her hands, watching his chest rise and fall. All they ever wanted was to live in peace. Was that really too much asked for? After all they weren't so different from "normal" people. The look of some of them, yes perhaps, and they were super-trained soldiers, too, but they shared the same feelings and emotions like all the other humans.

People would always fear what they didn't know.

It was unfair.

Lost in thoughts she took Alec's fragile looking hand, which was able to murder in cold blood.  
>The hand of a child. A killer's hand. Same, but different.<p>

She felt a slight change in his breathing, one she never would have noticed without touching him and she knew that he was finally awake.  
>But he also was a super soldier and he was checking the situation first before acting.<br>Logan had been right and so was Dr. Carr. Alec needed to see a familiar face when he opened his eyes.

Max squeezed his hands calmingly: "Hey, good morning, sunshine! Look who's the sleepy head now!"

Alec opened his eyes immediately, smiling: "Max! You're definitely getting soft. Sitting here, waiting for me to get up…I always knew you do care…where's my coffee?" His voice sounded cheerful, although still a little raspy.

"Don't let it go to your head. I got used to your ugly face, that's all. Bad habits leave hard." Gently she tapped his shoulder.

Alec carefully pushed himself up from the fluffy cushions and tried to sit up more straight.  
>It cost him more of his strength than he would ever admit, and damn, his body really hated him.<p>

Max smiled a little when he tried to suppress a groan. Unsuccessfully.

"It feels like a goddamn truck has hit me."

"Actually I think that's what happened."

"Pfff…that explains a lot. Why I am in a freaking hospital for example."

"It's okay, Logan knows this guy, Dr. Carr. He's okay. He patched you up."

"So when do we leave?" Again, he tried to get up but Max easily pushed him back onto the bed.

"Easy tiger. We anyway have to wait for Dr. Carr."

And, as if on cue, Sam appeared in the door frame, absorbed with some paper in his hand.

"Ah! Alec! Nice to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"Great! Just great! When can I leave?"

Max furrowed her brows and shot him a sour look. But Alec was all smiles and appeared to be bursting with energy. Despite all his efforts to sell Dr. Carr the act, the older man seemed completely unimpressed. In fact, he barely took notice, still poring over the test results in his hands.

"These are your lab results." He flipped through the pages. "Strange…", Sam frowned.

"Something wrong?" Max anxiously asked.

Sam looked at her and shook his head. "No, no, my dear, on the contrary. Everything is fine. Just like you would expect after such a surgery. But according to your extraordinary healing abilities I've somehow expected faster progress…"

Alec snorted. "So I'm not good enough for you?"

Amused Dr. Carr shook his head again. "That's not what I said. You're just fine. Your body has been through a lot and now you need time to recuperate, that's what I meant. I would like to keep you here a little longer; just to check on you and make sure that everything heals according to plan. And I will draw some more blood to check your healing process."

"No way. I'm going home!"

Alec's eyes darkened and he took all his strength to swing his legs gracefully of the bed to stand up and leave. Anyhow that was what he had intended to do. He was able to avoid hitting the ground heavily, at least. Only just.

The incision in his side, however, throbbed like hell and he grimaced.

"I'm fine. I wanna go home."

Actually he had wanted to sound demanding, strong and intimidating, but instead he sounded like a small child, whining for his mom. He was miserable. In no case he wanted to stay. Those white walls and the smell of disinfectant made his flesh crawl.

Max watched her friend in silence. She was uncertain what to do. On one hand she'd love to know her friend in the capable hands of the doctor but on the other hand she could perfectly understand Alec's feelings. Here he was vulnerable, weak and unprotected from any attacker.

He would never forgive her, if she made him stay.

Luckily she didn't have to, because once again Logan, who had slipped into the room right behind Dr. Carr, saved the day.

"He can stay with me. I think I can arrange a few things, so we can take care of his recovery."

Alec grumbled. "I'm not a child. Nobody has to take care of me." Defiantly he jumped off the bed and managed to stand for about ten seconds before his knees buckled and he slumped down to the bed right behind him once again. The others just ignored him. Max gave Logan a thankful look and applied to Dr. Carr:

"He is not save here. Sooner or later someone will notice, we can't take the risk, he can't stay."

Slowly Sam nodded. "Okay, maybe you are right. I'll give you a list of things you will need. And I'm going to check on him after my shift is over."

Turning around to Alec, who still sat on the side of the bed, panting heavily, he added: "Let me be quite clear. Bed rest. Plenty of fluids. And you will do whatever you are told to do. No objections. Did you understand me?"

Alec started fidgeting under the penetrating glance of the older doctor and nodded reluctantly.

Sam raised one eyebrow.

"Okay." Alec mumbled.

"Good. So back to bed until Logan has everything settled and then you're good to go."

Amusedly Max watched Sam leave. Logan already held his cell phone to his ear and as he noticed her face, he mouthed:

"Looks like he knows how to handle cranky X5s."

He gave her a wink and left the room.

* * *

><p>About two hours later, Logan came back into the room, steering a wheelchair. Alec meanwhile had settled into the bed again, bed head elevated, and now was boredly changing channels of the small TV. Max sat on a plastic chair next to him, her feet resting on the bed, eating a cup of green yello.<p>

"Everything is prepared, we are ready to leave," he announced. However when the male X5 recognized the thing Logan was leaning on he vigorously shook his head.

"No way I gonna use this thing. I can walk."

"Sorry, but this is hospital policy."

And Max added: "Remember what Dr. Carr said…"

Alec sighed. "Okay then…let's go."

Shakily he got up and very, very slowly managed to set one foot before another, one hand pressed tightly against the incision in his right side, the other leaning heavily on the night stand. Logan rushed the wheelchair next to the now almost upright standing patient, wanting to give him a hand, but noticing Max signalling him not to, he stopped in his action and only locked the brakes.

Alec carefully let go of the nightstand and took another step towards the wheelchair. His lips were pressed together in a thin line, his face was pale and a sheen of sweat was visible on his forehead from exertion. But he succeeded in gently alighting on the wheelchair. He let out the breath he had been holding, suddenly glad for the hospital policy. But he would never admit that out loud.

Max had watched her friend secretly, pretending not to notice his struggles and simply enjoying his yello, while concern was plainly written all over Logan's face. Luckily Alec was too absorbed with getting his breathing under control to bitch about that.

"Can we go now?"

This got a chuckle from Logan. "Well, I thought you might want to get changed first, I mean not that I don't like those sweet little scrubs you're wearing, but I could get a little cold outside."

With this he threw a bundle of clothes into Alec's lap, who blushed slightly. "Whatever, as long as we get out of here as soon as possible" he murmured sourly. It took him a while to get fully clothed but the burning look he was throwing kept Max and Logan from helping him. Max sighed, Alec would never take the easy way, so it looked like it was going to be a hell of a long week for all of them, if Dr. Carr was right with his opinion, that it would take this long for the young X-5 to recover.


End file.
